Since it is my birthday, I might as well do what all bloggers do best and write about me, me me! This is really a continuation of my “anniversary blog” which was also all about me, me, me and my thoughts on how I have changed. Today’s blog is about how much I have stayed the same!
A few weeks ago, at the cabin I grabbed some macramé jute and began to tie knots and make a bracelet. Like any good crocheting grandma, I can do it with my eyes closed. You see I came of age in a macramé world. Maybe, it has something to do with the fact that during a time of my life when so much was unraveling, I felt comfort in being able to tie those knots and hold my world together. I would macramé belts. I made wall hangings. I could whip out a pot sling faster than most people can say philodendron (well maybe not). Tying knots was in my soul. …as was a plethora of other creative endeavors. Not only could I macramé—I could decoupage, I could sew, I could make mosaics and I could pour out a lovely set of sand candles to light my bohemian bedroom. My hours were spent creating….creating a world I had some control over. I don’t know when I stopped. I don’t know why I stopped. But somewhere a long the way my world became less of my own creation and more of one thrust upon me. Oh, I digress, it is so easy to do when one is talking about me, me me!
My little macramé bracelet got me to thinking about those things that are so engraved on our souls, so much a part of our being that while they may be temporarily buried under the cares of life, they are always waiting to reveal themselves, once again, as our truly authentic, genuine, individual selves. There is something freeing about turning fifty, whoops fifty-one, that allows you to slough off the phony facades and dead layers of expectation. And, what I have found you are left with is, basically what you started with, the wide-eyed, the ‘world is my canvas,’ Junior High you ….only much wiser and with better hair.
While the years have changed me, deep down the years have also sheltered me and let me remain the same especially, when it comes to the things I love. My love of books, my love of social justice (I was trick or treating for Unicef long before I went to the halls of the United Nations), my love of cats and sports cars (o.k. don’t laugh unless you are willing to post 8th grade pictures of yourself on the world wide web), my love of the mountains, my love of family, my love of dancing, my love of writing, my love for my sisters, my love of the truth, my love of swimming, my love of church, my love of hot Arizona nights (that one is burned into my soul), my love of chocolate and bar-be-ques, my love of the Beatles and Carol King, my tolerance for diversity, my desire to make the world a better place, my insistence on kindness and integrity and the value I put on hard work, —they were all there at McKemy Junior high dressed in a halter top and bell bottom pants. In this ever changing, expanding world it is comforting to know that some parts of me, are just me, me, me… always have been and always will be. I think I will go tie a knot.
What parts of the junior high you, you, you are lying right below the surface of your life?